The end of Trouble and Rory is eight today! - 31/07/00

The cat we got a week after we moved into our first house, in 1987, known as "Trouble", died on Tuesday night (25th July) at the vets. He was nearly thirteen years old. The whole family was there, and said goodbye to him. He had some pretty bad tumours in his bowel, and his kidneys were in bad shape. Hannah and Diana stayed with him while the vet did the deed, Rory wanted to go out, so I went with him but we went in again afterward. Kids cried a lot, we did a bit as well, hard not to. He was an enigmatic feline, not outrageously friendly but had his moments. He was the kids favourites and has been around their whole lives. Thomas was trying to play with him on Saturday night when they visited. Funny how quickly things change. My advice to everyone, eat lots of fibre and food that maintains urinary tract health.

Tuesday night was team photo night for the Orcas, luckily we got the photo before the cat thing (Rory wouldn't have looked good afterward), then I went back for the 11th grade team.
Also was a bad night for Concorde, don't know about overseas but was huge here. We got all the footage of the Concorde visiting New Zealand (slow news night), interviews with a travel writer who had ridden Concorde once when it had to make an emergency landing, and a pilot who pretends he is flying a concorde every time he takes off in his Cessna 172 (his nose shape make this quite easy).

An NZ soldier was killed in Timor during the week, buried in Te Kauwhata on Saturday. He was shot, then had his throat slit and his ears removed. The gory details raised some controversy about what needed to be said on the news. Lots of coverage of the army grieving etc. When did they find time for that in the trenches in WWI, I don't think it was a priority. First NZ soldier killed in action for quite a while.

The Fijians arrested George Speight on Thursday, and in revenge his followers took a couple of NZ pilots hostage. Neither of them has ever flown a concorde, and their noses seemed to be appropriately proportioned. They were released on Friday.
Also on Thursday, a guy got stuck in a sewer, but got out again with minor injuries. The Concorde has flown over the Suez canal (get it? Sewer - Suez? Oh, never mind, it was pretty desperate).

News also this week that my father is having an operation on his prostate. He probably won't appreciate me spreading the news over the world, so don't get a t-shirt printed with it on (okay, maybe a small tshirt). Damn genetics to hell. Good news is that Penny is coming over to visit him, and therefore us as well. Every cloud has a silver lining. Just don't fly Concorde, Penny. I better start maintaining urinary tract health myself.

Harry Potter books have been banned from the reading list at some schools because they have magic in. Get a life, you pack of uptight religious tossers. The Lord of the Rings probably has magic too, let's ban that.

On Friday, some over-zealous parking nazi got the chance to give the Helen Clark (our PM for those who don't know - or care) a parking ticket. I wonder if it is possible to giving the undead a parking ticket. I mean, death and taxes are inevitable, but are taxes for the undead inevitable? The act was caught on film while our very own living dead prime minister was being interviewed for some meaningless thing. During the week a bitter Dover Samuels (not Sammy Davis) referred to the PM's floor in parliament (the ninth) as Channel 9, seems the label might stick. Personally, I think it should be the 9th Hell.

Question: Why did the Zombie not get out of his coffin?
Answer: He was feeling quite rotten.

(Rory got a jokebook or two for his birthday)

Also, late last week was announced that the police were going looking for Ben & Olivia again. These two disappear from the face of the earth but live on in our news.

Friday was parent teacher interviews. Kids came out squeaky clean, girlie swots. I didn't make it, busy with BG, the client who supplied accomodation in London for us. Me and Diana got to go to Dinner with them on Friday night, at Metropolis. A free feed and a chance for Diana to meet the new boss. They all raved about a book "Captain Corelli's Mandolin" about part of Greece during the second world war. A good read by all accounts. I lost the same book at Starship the night Rory was there, only read about one chapter. Young Paul took the book with him on our trip. It must be good. Not sure of the spelling of the name, but try getting it out of the library or something as all the Harry Potter books have gone. It is by Louis de Bernieres. Sorry for this unusually cultural interruption.

Saturday. The day of the big birthday party, and the soccer was cancelled for the midgets so no Orcas or Tuis. 11th Graders still played, in swimming pool-like conditions, missed about seven chances and had a 0-0 draw. Paul Chambers won 6-1 in the morning and lost 7-1 in the afternoon. The coach was pretty pissed off, but I suspect he has to take some responsibility.

Birthday party was a big success. He invited heaps of kids. Harry, Jared, Ryan, Billy, Adam, Logan from the Orcas, Quinn who plays for the dreaded Tigers, Charles and Tom from his class, Lilly and Ruby (her sister, for Hannah's benefit), Jeremy Thompson, Zac, and baby Thomas.

Question: What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
Answer: Lilly

(Rory did not think that was funny at all)

They were all in the YMCA at Mt Albert, ran around like idiots, as did I. I can dribble a really big ball basketball style, with about four kids chasing me. Can also juggle it with my feet really easily, because it is slow-moving (like me). Rory is heaps heavier than Quinn and Lilly, they all had me lifting them for slam-dunks.

That night, Rory went to the basketball with Harry, Auckland beat North Harbour by about 20 points.

Much soul searching going on for me as I have to nominate players for the soccer prizegiving. Rory is probably due something but I am unwilling to do so if everyone says he got it because he is the coach's son. Done my best to canvass the parents who pay attention at games (not many). Have to put it in by Wednesday. Don't know what to do.

Last game of the season for the Warriors, last game for three players. Nobody really cared. Ownership worries continue to be a problem for them, with Tainui wanting out and the Auckland Rugby League possibly about to get them by default. They won the game, 32-22, something of a bonus. I think they were 2nd from bottom on the table.

The Wallabies beat South Africa 24-6 or something. The NZ Netball under 21s crashed out in the semi losing to Jamaica 51-48 or so. Club rugby finals in NZ, Waiuku won for first time in 42 years, Otahuhu beat Ponsonby (another surprise).

In Chatham Cup quarter finals, Waitakere are out, and bloody Central just managed to beat Metro (I hate Central, their team is the one that has beaten the Orcas twice).

I had a game of tennis with Rossco yesterday, but I am too much of a gentleman to mention the score. We discussed urinary tract health and are considering some sort of prostate care pact. Apparently one reader of this email has had his checked, and wouldn't do it for recreational purposes. Not something I relish the thought of, but may be necessary. Yuck. Rather fly in a concorde.

We then took Rory to Gladiator after he went to Zac's party at Megazone (electronic shoot 'em up type thing). He enjoyed it, little bit of blood here and there but kids see worse (like the xenical advert during Digimon). Went with sister Sarah and Scott, then picked Hannah up from Granny's house. First thing in the morning, Rory wanted to go get the Sunday paper. I walked behind him, then left him to cross Pt Chev Road on his own, by the paper, and return to our street. He wants to do it all himself but wanted me to semi-accompany him the first time. More concerned about him being abducted than doing something silly while crossing the road.

Paul Chambers, my travelling companion, had his school ball on Saturday night. Haven't heard any reports yet.

Sunday morning, there was an Earthquake near Taupo, 3.5 on richter scale, no damage. You'll be interested to know that 240,000 people visit the superloos in Taupo, this is not the reason for the earthquake.

Not to be forgotten, tonight at about 6:38pm is the 8th anniversary of the night I delivered my first baby, a boy. Rory Stewart James Aloysius Clarke, at home, in a hurry, during the Paul Holmes show live from Barcelona (during the Olympics). I believe Diana was there too, but she shot off quickly with three complete strangers, and took my son with her. I didn't even have the benefit of a machine that goes bing.

Now it is only six weeks to Hannah's birthday. Her front teeth are growing, but she still looks funny.
Well, better go, have a good week, you blokes eat a few pumpkin seeds and don't go concorde.

It all seems to Blur - 24/07/00

Okay, no "what I did on my holiday" thing, all right. Will bore you to tears. Needless to say, had a great time. The Euro 2000 final was awesome, an opportunity of a lifetime, a once in four years event, or perhaps two years if you count the world cup. Well, thinking about it, there is the under 17 and the olympics, the under 21, the FA cup final, UEFA Champions league, the confederation cup. Okay, a once in every 3.73 months opportunity. Anyway, it was a cool game. May never see Italy and France play each other again.
The rest of the trip was also great, but no travel brochures. I will say that Hearst Castle in San Simian was way better than I expected and I am glad I got to see Wembley even if it wasn't during a match. Haven't come close to sorting out my photos yet, but I will try this week.

Welcome to some new victims of this sad bit of writing. Aneta & Jaap from Holand who will forward this on to Koos' sister Heidi (after censoring it and cutting down to about fifty words), and Linda in chicken land (somewhere north of San Francisco, she had the misfortune to be exposed to my insanity during our little road trip to lala land).
Nothing happened in New Zealand while I was away, Diana lied. But somehow stuff happened in Holland, then England, then the US. Kind of follows me around I think.

No idea what really happened in Holland because my Dutch isn't so good, didn't read any newspapers. However, I found it much harder to be understood in America, for them English isn't even a second language.

The 8yo girl that was lost while I was in England was found in a fairly dead condition last week. Not nice, but could predict she wasn't going to be in very good shape. Found 16km from where she went missing.
Fiji coup is over but still very confused. No real idea what is happening, George Speight seems to have be completely taken over by Winston Peters as he is just like him. Somehow thinks he has some sort of a say in things.

Auckland model Robyn Reynolds bedded Robbie Williams for a couple of days. Really cheap shot in the Herald about being so hungry she "grabbed one of his plums". Stupid woman, they're not in season at the moment. Must have been a prune. Huge coverage of him here, with one young lady running around topless at a press conference and all sorts.

John Tamihere, MP, has been avoiding some understatements he made about the number of convictions he has. Otherwise, the political arena has been reasonably quiet.

Violent weekend, with a murder, a mortal wounding, a man running over his girlfriend in his car, and a few aggravated robberies. An 8yo boy was mauled by two dogs and needed 200 stiches. Glad none of this happened near us, our weekend was comparatively peaceful it has to be said.

Got home to find out the Black Socks won the Softball World Champs. They arrived home about the same time as us. We heard they were winning here and there but that was about it.

The All Blacks win over Australia, which I missed, sounded like a killer game, we scored three early tries then they came back and we won (just). They then beat South Africa over the weekend, not convincingly but 25-12 isn't too bad. Some supposedly pointed a laser at the SAf kicker but the photo I saw looks like a mosquito bite on his neck, or worse, could be a love bite from Corne Krige (don't think about that, trust me). Tana Umaga got a few in him and made a git of himself that night.

Tiger Woods swept the field in his domination of the British Open, no surprises there.

Hannah lost her other front tooth on Thursday, call her "gummy granny" now.

Hannah's team won 6-1, Hannah set up one goal and played very well. The Orcas lost 2-1 in a very niggly game that they could have won, maybe next time. The 11th graders lost 5-4 in a game they lead until the last four minutes. Never relax. Played on a full sized pitch so there was heaps of room.

Then, yesterday, we had the Orca's team trip. All the team bundled into a mini-van off to Warkworth for a game. We had heaps of parents, some grandparents, and siblings follow us up, and many came to Waiwera afterward. They won 5-1, then we had a barbecue and stuff afterward. We traded player of the day certificates so the good players got an exotic one for their efforts. Then we trundled off to Waiwera hot pools for a go on the slides and things. Kids were a lot quieter in the van on the way home, but still a handful. Great day, all organised by Craig, not me, and an outstanding success. I have to say that Rory played pretty well in both games, working much harder than he has earlier in the season.

We saw baby Thomas on Saturday, who is talking more and getting around more.

Well, sort of out of time, lots to do. Neither me or Paul are entirely back to normal. I've been sleeping about ten hours a night since I got home, but it has to stop sooner or later. Mind you, Diana was watching "you've got mail" last night which I think is the equivalent of a sleeping pill for any normal bloke.

By Diana While Rob is Away - 03/07/00

Just in case you've been visiting another planet and haven't realised, Rob is currently away in Europe for the final of the European Soccer Cup. He has described Holland as the America's Cup Village on steroids! Apart from Paul's suitcase going on a little trip by itself it sounds like the trip over was uneventful although long.
Rob missed Rory's best soccer day ever, he scored 3 goals out of 8 scored by the team. They were playing a small club which only fields one team per grade. So the poor St Francis team were no match for our A division team.
Hannah's team won 1-0 with Hannah contributing a few good kicks here and there. Other news, Samuel Davis, the Maori minister in charge of amongst other things, the high teenage preganancy rate, has been sacked as a minister due to his personal contribution to the above while the teenager was in his care and he was 42 (and married).
Mark Todd continues to avoid confirming or denying his gay sex/cocaine allegations although the Olymipic Selection Committee is calling for him to come clean (or bent as the case may be). Apparently Bell Tea have cancelled his sponsorship, but he's had an offer from Fagg's Coffee !! (That's probably worse than Rob's jokes).

NZ lost the netball(NZ vs World7) and won the rugby (NZ vs Scotland).
Thomas and his parents are fine. No ear infections and no Charles.
Hope Koos and Heidi have survived Rob and Paul. Jono and Paul Grant, get ready, it's your turn next.

Just watched the final, France won. Nailbiting game, 1-0 to Italy until the last 90s of the game when France snuck one in, then overtime and France won 2-1!!!. What do they put in their snails over there? Anyway, have a good week everyone. Next week's message will be delayed because I will be away.

We have a new phone number because we couldn't get caller id on our last no. Now 815 7004.
As this is not from Rob, this is as long as it needs to be.