The fine print - 05/04/04

LOCAL NEWS

Lesley Martin was found guilty of manslaughter in the euthanasia case. I have to say that the impression I got from much of the news was that she acted a little too quickly for comfort. I know people can go downhill fast but many who should have known better felt that Martin's mother wasn't quite a candidate for the exit door when it happened.

A big hydro-electric project called "aqua" was canned this week. This has caused the share price of other power companies to rise.

Local writer Michael King was killed in a car accident on Tuesday. He wrote a history of New Zealand that was published last year the same week my book was published.

MP Nick Smith was fined $5,000 for contempt of court.

Another moron decided risking death and running from police was better than getting a speeding ticket and promptly killed himself. This guy was 35, and should have known better. Darwinian evolution at it's best.

There is talk of banning cell phone use by drivers in cars. What a crock. Even with handsfree things, which is stupid. I don't get distracted by the call when driving, I get distracted by the driving when on a call - meaning if something happens that needs my attention on the road, it gets it. Are they going to ban me skipping songs on my iPod? Entering information in my PDA? Eating my sandwich? Doing my lipstick? (okay, someone else doing their lipstick). The latest accident involving a cell phone was an 18yo who was texting someone whilst driving. Again, that's evolution, folks (as long as they don't take you out when they kill themselves, why should you care?).

SPEAKING OF DARWINIAN EVOLUTION

I was thinking about the size of crayfish and snapper the other day. You'd think ones that only grew to a size just below the legal limit would become dominant versions of the species and you'd get a bunch of pygmy fish and crays out there that people wouldn't be allowed to ever catch. I don't think it's happened, but I wonder why not?

WORLD NEWS

Another explosion in Spain, this time as police raided a house with suspects of the Madrid bombing. They blew themselves and a couple of police up (was it an attempt to get away, like the boy racer?).

The mistrial in the Tyco fraud case is bizarre. Couldn't they discharge the problem juror and run with 11?

REAL SPORT

Awesome start to the season for the Clarke children (including the big one).

With Hannah's team, I generously donated two players to the other team, who played better for the other team than they did for us. Pearl is our best defender and she played for them in the second half. We were all over the really but couldn't pass and make space. Our problem was only one player was defending which wasn't enough, although we let one in it was sooo offside a blind man noticed (and both linesman). Finally, when it should have been full time three minutes earlier, Britt put one into the goal at the other end and gave us a 1-0 win (her first goal in about four seasons of playing). They didn't win a single game last year, the Dragons, so winning first up was awesome for morale.

Rory's team were playing a team they beat 6-1 last year, so despite being under prepared they had a good chance. It took about ten minutes before they scored. They were leading 2-0 at half time, then 3-0 in the second half before conceding a goal near the end for a 3-1 win. I think Rory's increase in height and speed will make him a much better player this year. A guy was yelling too much at Rory's game, talking to the players, getting them to wake up and think about what they were doing. The coach came over and asked me to calm down. But seriously, I found it very hard to be a quiet observer (well, okay, impossible).

No game for another three weeks with Easter and school holidays.

SPORT

The Black Caps lost the final test to South Africa, after having looked like they would lose, then win, then lose, resulting in a drawn series. Shame, really, but not the end of the world.

The Super 12 produced some better results for New Zealand teams this week. The Chiefs beat the Highlanders but they got two bonus points so maximum points gained in the game. The Crusaders easily beat the Brumbies, and the Hurricanes dealt to the Reds. The third Australia v New Zealand games was the Blues and the Waratahs on Sunday, the Blues won but didn't get a bonus point. Eight of the top nine teams are within two points of each other so it's pretty close for getting a place in the finals.

Highlight of the weekend was Paul Scholes scoring in the 32nd minute to give Man Utd a 1-0 win over the Arse in the FA Cup semi-final. There is some light at the end of the tunnel. Milwall beat Sunderland in the other semi so I don't have a conflict with who to support (I used to like Sunderland (after they won the 1973 FA Cup, which is why Rory decided on Man Utd when they beat Newcastle in 1999). If Man Utd lose to Milwall, Sir Alex might be looking for work.

The Warriors finally had a win, Manly must be complete crap.

MY SAD LIFE

Sorry about this next bit, it's very long, but it's more for my benefit than anyone else (actually, some would argue that for everything that goes into these emails).

I have been waiting for my first royalty cheque ever since I wrote the digital photography book, which I finished 1st June last year and was printed in October. It was due in March, but hadn't arrived. Come 1st April I was getting pretty pissed off about the whole thing. I even re-read the contract and looked for some relief, which I couldn't find. I think the key thing was that I should have read the contract thoroughly when I first got it (and shouldn't have started the book until I did), I sort of read it quickly and figured it seemed the same as the previous one so didn't give it a hard look. Big mistake, huge. I have nobody to blame but myself, but with the timing of the book and the contract I was virtually half done on the book before I had the contract to sign, so it was a bit late to question things anyway. Really crap parts include that fact that it wasn't a third up front, on delivery, and on printing, like the first one. I got a piddly little amount up front and had to wait until April 1 (irony there) to get any more. Even worse, the contract entitles the publisher to retain 20% of the royalty as a reserve against returns of books, which they don't have to pay me until October 2005 (I am hoping that exchange rate fluctuations might increase the value of it by then). This felt pretty rugged given that I had arranged for one company to buy 5000 copies of the book on day one and they had no right of return, they agreed and are going to top up the payment. Even so, they have done very little to push the book, and people can't buy it if they don't know it's out there and it isn't on the shelf. Rubbing salt into the wound, I agreed to doing the radio show for 12 months on Wednesday, and was feeling very reluctant to mention the book on the show, let alone Random House. The contract entitles them to take any other books I want to write (subject to finding agreeable terms, like that will happen). Their lack of enthusiasm for marketing the book means that I cannot write a second edition until the stocks are gone, which at current sales out to retailers should be some time in 2012. This means there will effectively be no second edition or new version. I am not prepared to do one under a contract like this, I would want to have some say in the promotion of it, it should be sold in other countries (500 copies of this one were sent to Australia) and the existing contract effectively extinguishes any possibility of that. I was very pleased with this book, it was something that I felt looked very good and was much less boring than the ones on accounting software and Word & Excel. I cannot begin to describe how disappointed and violated I felt about it (I am getting over it, though). It's like I have had something precious taken away, and have to say I seriously doubt that I will ever bother writing another. I think I can now relate to people talking about wanting editorial control and wanting a say in the material they produce. I guess my advice to myself and you is this: read the bloody contract and don't write a word until you do.

I've since spoken to a couple of other people who have written books and felt that the whole thing was a singularly disappointing and unrewarding experience. That helped.

Rory had a performance thing at school on Thursday. There were heaps of kids in it that we knew, including Bob's son Nico (the whole extended family were there), my PC World Editor (her son goes to the school), plus the Cohens and masses of soccer people. Rory did very well, played the drums quite boringly then let rip a couple of times which was way better than some of the other drummers. He wore the bird mask that I helped Ross Cole do last year for the school production. It is getting a bit tight on him, but still looks like a pretty good prop.

Got a nice letter from the guy in prison thanking me for my response. Silly how little things make you feel good.

I think Brett celebrates a birthday this week on the 7th in Perth, where they are busily checking out Murrilitheran's action at the university using completely ridiculous methods that were used in filming LOTR (lots of dodgy bowling actions in those movies, I was saying so just the other day). Somebody said that filming a dodgy bowler in controlled conditions with little lights stuck to him is like sitting a convicted criminal next to a VCR and saying he isn't guilty if it's still there in the morning. What absolute bollocks. He's a cheat.

My business partner, Peter, turned 40 on Saturday. We've been working together for like 14 years. Am I getting old or is my memory getting better? The cook was obviously a serial one, not parallel, as the mains for 13 people arrived one after the other and the guy next to me had basically finished his by the time Diana's arrived. That being said, it meant those not eating could talk and vice versa when the other meals arrived. Not sure it was deliberately planned that way.

Gavin broke his thumb on Wednesday night and bought a business on Thursday. Busy 24 hours for him, really. Then, on Sunday, he told the vendor he could stick his business up his wazoo if he wasn't going to cooperate during the due diligence phase, and fair enough too. It's like a soap opera, without the kissing and unwanted pregnancies but lots of evil people and big money deals.

Charles felt that Rory's story on the trip to Glinks was excellent, and he suggested that Rory got his writing skill from his mother. I hear he's coming over for a visit. I can hit him then.

The Goodins have acquired another kitten, very small, and a bit overwhelmed yesterday but starting to settle down. Polly is cat-sized now and a bit scary for it (called Molly but not sure how long for). Our kids had a rare swim (this summer) in the Goodins pool. Diana played Thelma and Louise with Kathryn on Saturday when they went to see an art exhibition by the mother of one of Rory's friends in Kath's new convertible beetle. I took it for a little drive with a bunch of kids in it, it's quite nice to drive (even with three kids in it). Rory asked if he could have a go (god loves a tryer). Nothing like having the old top down. Luckily, I didn't go on the motorway or bugs would have been hitting me in the forehead. It's not red, though (only two colours of cars, red and not red).

Rory told us a very good little joke he got from school:
Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
Response from one person was, yes, but they'd be really screwed if someone turned the light on.

I am sure there were a couple of other things I was supposed to mention.
There always is.