Only in New Zealand - 24/01/05

This seems like the week for weird stories in NZ. We often get stories entitled "Only in America", well maybe the local media need to look closer to home.

LOCAL NEWS

A female German tourist died when she was run over by a car at the carpark at Fox Glacier. It is never good publicity when we lose a tourist, but the driver was her husband so tourists can't really blame us for it.

From the "but you need a dog license to have a dog" department, an 18yo woman went sunbathing an left her baby boy locked in a closed car in 30 degree heat in Gisborne. She then assaulted the guy that rescues the boy and tried to stop police from assisting. Stupid or nasty, you choose.

The man who absconded with his half-welsh daughter came in from the cold, whilst it was revealed an NZ man had been cohabiting with a US woman on the run from the FBI for asconding with her daughter. She is coming clean, too.

A South Island farmer's daughter wanted to get married on the family farm. He wanted her to be married in a church. He solved the problem by buying a church and shifting it onto the farm. He must be pretty religious.

There was a "swarm" of nine earthquakes in lower North Island on Tuesday, they weren't big ones. Then there was a quite big one just before 8am on Friday morning (about 5.5).

A Thames accountant decided he needed to hide from $15,000 in gambling debts (among other things) so he crashed his car and hid in a swamp for six weeks drinking his own sweat (what a load of bollocks, I bet he went and stayed in a motel somewhere or something). He was charged with wasting police and rescue time (they worked pretty hard trying to find the bugger). He has been fined $4000 and sentenced to 250 hours community service. He plans to start up company that sells "drink your own sweat" devices and survival manuals.

Cultural Snobbery #1. A woman is being talked to after refusing to move from her seat at the front of a ceremony at a marae. Apparently women have to sit at the back.

A man suffering from motor neurone disease is starving himself to death in an effort to make a point about euthenasia. He is pretty far gone.

A korean man died of multiple stab wounds (the word multiple is quite important in this sentence) and police were investigating to establish whether or not it was suspicious.

Cultural Snobbery #2. A family was upset when the body of a Mongrel Mob member was taken from a tangi (maori funeral thing) for one last party at gang headquarters. One family member said it was what he would have wanted, everyone else was mortified (apologies for inappropriate pun).

Okay, technically in Australia but I can bend the rules if I want to. Police in Melbourne want a bullet removed from the back of a NZ man charged with murder so they can use it as evidence. I suppose he could be charged for withholding evidence if he refuses.

A Lebanese man who has lived in NZ for 15 years has won a poker tournament in Melbourne with A$1 million prize. He runs a lebanese bakery and kebab shop in Mirimar and will continue to do so.

WORLD NEWS

George is re-inaugurated. Not convinced they need to do that for a second term, to be honest. He has vowed to end tyranny, which will be easy if we wait four years. I wonder what the opposite of inaugurate is, perhaps denigrate or terminate?

Elections in Iraq next weekend, sounds like it's going to get messier than it already is.

REAL SPORT

Rory's team won 7-6. Rory set up one goal, defended well against Bucky (his 14th grade coach), and David scored a good goal.

SPORT

Liverpool lost their FA Cup game with an own goal. Man Utd won their replay against Exeter. There is a rude limerick about a lady from Exeter.

Liverpool continued their bad week by losing 0-2 to Southampton. Man Utd beat Villa 3-1, Chelsea won 3-0 over Portsmouth, but game of the day was Norwich and Middlesbrough who had a 4-4 draw, Norwich were down 1-4 with 12 minutes left and they managed to equalise. Arsenal got a 1-0 win over Newcastle.

The first ODI between NZ and the World XI was a bit of a fizzer. The World XI were 20/4 at one point but got to 160. Stephen Fleming then went bonkers and scored 10 fours and 9 sixes in reaching 106 bythe 16th over. NZ reached target losing only Fleming's wicket.

Jonah Lomu is coming back with a game at Twickenham in June. He was whinging about what the NZ Rugby Union was prepared to pay him when he was too sick to play - if he can't play why should he expect anything?

MY SAD LIFE

Diana and the kids went away for a few days to the Kauranga Valley near Thames. I stayed home and worked. It was only two nights, hardly noticed it although it was certainly quiet in the house. Wasn't there enough to really feel it. Diana wasn't away long enough for me to get scurvy or anything. I reckon I used about six dishes while they were away (coffee cup, glass, two plates, a knife, and a spoon). I didn't actually make dinner for myself, but did do one load of washing. Friday morning I didn't wake up until 8am, and once the phone stopped ringing I spent the rest of the morning sitting at the table on the deck in the sun with my notebook, my PDA, and four telephones (home, office, both mobiles, it looked pretty bad but I didn't have to get up every time a phone rang). It was quite nice.

By all accounts the kids had a good break. Hannah jumped off a rock into the water hole at Hoffman's Pool upstream from the camp (a photo of Rory jumping off it is in my book). Rory reckoned he didn't go to sleep until 3am on Thursday night (glad I wasn't there for that). They said they enjoyed it more than Pukehina, which is largely because there were a bunch of kids to fool around with (nine in total, I think). Diana said Rory was actually quite helpful, helping other kids with kayaking and playing rescue at the bottom of the cliff in the water.

Still swimming, went with just Hannah on Wednesday so she could catch up on stars (don't ask, the scheme to encourage effort that has grown bigger than any rewards scheme ever). Hannah is now faster than me, too. I swam a length and a half underwater on Saturday, target now two lengths in one breath.

Helen explained Ningaloo reef for me and is back in NZ for a couple of weeks.

Paul felt that he was unfairly held responsible for the improvement in the weather here by leaving the country. Empirical evidence is hard to argue with, mate.

I just realised that Jono didn't actually even ring up while he was here (how rude).

Wasted an hour on Friday afternoon waiting for someone who didn't show up for an interview for D-Photo. Was pretty bloody annoyed to be honest. Journalism really doesn't pay very well (certainly not in a backwater like NZ).

Pandora, Rory's cat, has always played with the ring things off milk bottles. But now she has started carrying them in her mouth to someone, dropping them, and waiting for us to throw them (she did it about four times in a row with me this morning). This is very dog-like behaviour, and we are a bit worried.

Hannah goes back to school Thursday this week.

No subject required this week (feel free to add one and send it to yourself) - 17/01/07

Weather has been basically fine all week, what summer should be like. Theories for why include that most people have gone back to work and that Paul has gone home to SF.

LOCAL NEWS

A glider crashed into a mountain, the pilot failed to survive.

The government wants to force people to include an immobiliser and a microdot in their cars to prevent car theft. There's been a bit car theft going on with expensive cars being pinched. However, immobilisers can inconvenience the owner of the vehicle quite a lot too (just ask Ross about his landrover).

Lots of fuss about convicted child molester Lloyd McIntosh who has been released from prison under supervision. I think he managed to molest a woman whilst under this "supervision" a while back. Then they increased supervision from one to two people. I don't really understand why he can't just be kept in jail, am I missing something?

A teenage girl fell off a dam and died. I supposed it was a dam silly thing to do.

Police have announced they are going to arrest drunk people in pubs and test criminals for drunkenness when they are arrested to establish possible causal links between crime and alcohol. "We got the idea from the fact that all those charged with DIC are drunk and have committed a crime." said a spokesman.

A New Zealander is on the run with his young daughter because of an international custody battle. Mother is Welsh and won custody hearing in NZ. Let's hope it doesn't get messy.

A float plane crashed on take-off on lake Taupo. They reckon it hit the wake of a boat. Seems silly, they should have seen it coming. Pilot was hurt.

WORLD NEWS

The bushfire near Adelaide made the news, but only nine died initially so it struggled for space in the paper. This is known as "Ash Tuesday". Apparently the Aussies had a fire a while back that became "Ash Wednesday". It is funny how they name things like that.

Harry's fancy dress outfit seems to have caused quite a stir. While ill-advised, I suspect the reaction would have been considerably less if he has gone as Charles Manson or Jack the Ripper.

They continue to talk about the Tsunami, and the minute's silence yesterday was responsible for a heck of a lot of noise.

REAL SPORT

Finally, back in action. Rory played a social water polo game with a wide mix of players on Sunday night. It included a number of coaches and adult players and was very fast-paced. Final score was 6-6. He did well, enjoyed himself, and did not look out of place. Marking his coach Mike was funny, and Rory deflected a shot at goal with his face.

SPORT

Local soccer club the Kingz have changed their name to the NZ Knights. This has offended the Northern District Knights cricket team and has people wondering whether a name change will help.

Aussie thumped the Windies in first one dayer. There's been a few other games but not sure what's been happening.

Bangladesh won their first test match against Zimbabwe this week. That is first ever, not the first test. They've played about 30 tests. It takes time to start winning (NZ took quite a while).

Man Utd beat Liverpool 1-0 at Anfield, good result. Villa beat Norwich 3-0, Newcastle 2-1 over Southampton, Man City 3-1 over Crystal Palace. Chelsea beat Spurs 2-0. The Arse lost 1-0 to Bolton, they won't be happy. They are only one point clear of Man Utd now, but Chelsea are ten points clear.

Auckland won the National Rugby 7s Champs in Queenstown.

There is speculation that Jonah is on the comeback trail.

MY SAD LIFE

We farewelled Barbara on Tuesday. I learned quite a bit about her earlier life, of which I knew a little but not a lot. It went reasonably well. Her ex-husband was there and announced he had become a father the day before. I think that was in very poor taste.

I forgot to mention it was Sarah's birthday on Wednesday, now 26 so she is in her late twenties. It was also Bambi's birthday on Tuesday.

Charles has returned to Melbourne. The Goodins had a bit of a do with the Batenbergs and Browns and us. The kids swam a lot. I hid from the sun a lot.

I swam 5km this week. Rory managed a full length underwater (first time for about two years) then did it twice more in the same session. I did it once to prove I can still do it. Then on Sunday, I swam a full length and turned around and came back about 6 metres. Then I swam a full length under water four more times for a total of five times in the one session. Both Hannah and Rory both set fastest times ever on Sunday under a new "scheme" where they earn stars for beating target times. They dived in to get a bit more speed, which they need to practice so that's fine. They think stars should be worth $1 each. I worked out that along with cost of getting in the pool it would cost me about $70 a week so they can think again. We need a method to motivate them but without requiring a second mortgage. They are already thinking that they are like some sort of rewards program, redeemable for prizes or cash.

Back in the saddle on the radio again yesterday, went very well. It's pretty routine now. Not sure how long it will go for as the station is being reorganised in March/April.

We managed to fit in some gardening around other activities yesterday, but considerably more gardening required.

Diana is going to go away with the kids for a couple of days at the end of this week. Not sure whether I will manage to follow for a day or two or be stuck at work. Probably will be stuck here working.

Well, that'll do for now. A quiet week really.

Local heroes and Tsunami correctness - 10/01/05

LOCAL NEWS

This week the news started to leave the Tsunami, slowly, and notice other things in the world. We really weren't aware of much while we were away. A week with no newspaper or internet.

A man was stung by a scorpion at the Auckland Domestic terminal. We don't have scorpions in NZ, so it caused some consternation. They think it had a ride on him from somewhere else (he had come in from South Africa).

A woman stole a bucket of Tsunami money from a butcher's shop, she was tracked down and charged. Not something you want to be known for, a pretty low thing to do, really.

Hero #1 and #2. Bit of drama on the Southern Motorway when a guy driving a truck died at the wheel. A woman in the cab with him tried to steer from the passenger seat and she was "rescued" by a truck driver who spotted the problem and pulled in front and slowed the truck down (which took 3 km). The woman in the cab was hailed as hero number two, but I think self-preservation was the motive in this instance.

A tramper with exposure was rescued in the Tararua Ranges but they couldn't move her for days. Exposure turned into exhaustion and they decided they had to carry her to a hut, at least.

Heavy rain caused flooding in Kapiti on Wednesday. Interestingly, the council decided not to raise the flood warning alarm at 3am because they didn't want people to think a Tsunami was coming. Those that could have saved their possessions were pretty pissed off, and I don't blame them. The rationale for not raising the alarm was pathetic.

Hero #3. A woman sitting in a car at a gas station was being stabbed repeatedly by a man in the back seat of the same car (her son, don't go there). Another guy at the gas station pulled him off her, which probably saved her life (she had 19 stab wounds, but they can't have been very deep).

Our feeble air force managed to have an aircraft break down for a second time whilst assisting in Tsunami world. A local band with a song called Tsunami (written about love, and well before the event) are not playing it at the moment. TVNZ have pulled a self-promotional ad that included someone surfing on a wave. Also in the public firing line is a commercial property development called Tsunami and a recruitment company of the same name. It’s a lot like the band that changed their name from Shihad after 9/11 and have now changed it back. Are other countries being this sad? It's not like we ban food adverts when there is famine in Ethiopia or swimming pools when there is a flood in Bangladesh.

Hero #4 & #5. Two men, one involved in the accident himself, pulled two people from a burning campervan after it ran into a car in the South Island.

WORLD NEWS

It was a cliché rich environment at the heads of government thing in Indonesia, where there was a positive feeling and a meeting of minds. Give me strength.

I am concerned how the Tsunami aid effort has turned into a competition between nations, not dissimilar to the medal table at the Olympics. It has gained a life of its own and seems like it will never end.

SPORT

All Black Justin Marshall is off to play for Leeds after the Lions tour in June.

All Whites Captain Ryan Nelson is going to play for Blackburn Rovers, which may mean he won't be the captain of the All Whites any more.

The Aussies beat the Pakis in the third test, and England lost to the South Africans. We still have no cricket.

Not much happening in Premier soccer, must be playing internationals.

MY SAD LIFE

It's been a long week, that's why this is larger than normal.

We went to a place called Pukehina for a change of scenery. It is a little way East along the Bay of Plenty coast from Tauranga. The bach was right on the beach, a surf beach, and Pukehina consists almost entirely of two rows of houses, on each side of the road leading along the beachfront. The bach was almost directly opposite the volunteer fire station. There is an estuary at the far end behind the point, with a surf club and dotterill colony at the end. There are lots of oystercatchers in the dotterill colony (I guess they voted on the name before the oystercatchers multiplied) and we could see about half a dozen mated pairs with 1-3 babies.

The fire station alarm (to get volunteers to come man the truck) went off three times while we were there. Twice in the middle of the night. Diana tries to turn off the alarm clock when it goes (don't go there). The last time it went the house about five doors up the road and across was gutted.

Paul came to stay with us for a couple of days. We boogie boarded and it went a lot better than down near the lifeguards where the kids were getting dumped hard on the sand. On Tuesday we went exploring to Whakatane, we drove along the coast. It's a lot bigger than I expected. We went to where the river meets the sea, then went up the hill to a vantage point. Some big houses up in the hills with commanding views. We went for a swim at the aquatic centre. I did a length underwater there (my first for the new year. They had a 33 metre pool as well as a 25, the kids mostly played, but I did 1km. On the way back, we took an alternative route so we could pass through Edgecumbe (Allan's hometown). We called Allan from there and asked where the plaque commemorating him was. Mount Edgecumbe is quite a way off but an impressive volcanic cone. We went into Rotorua and met up with the rest of the Grant extended family on Wednesday. We had lunch and ice creams then did some bizarre things in the playground (basically using play equipment in ways it was not intended - little Ben hung from a bar for 28 seconds so others tried to beat it, I think Rory was the only one although Roger got close. They also tried to push each other off a beam, and Roger tried to sell Sam (Shin's sister) to Rory, Roger got beaten up by Sam and Rory was speechless. A seagull crapped on me, possible revenge for a sparrow I hit in the car, and then when we got back to my car it looked like a small wheeled interpretation of Nauru (look it up if you don't know what I mean). Diana said the god of birds was unhappy with me.

The day we left, Hannah burnt toast and set off the fire alarm in the house. It wasn't just a regular smoke alarm, but the house alarm and it was deafeningly loud. It wasn't a good start.

Hero #6 My friend Barbara is fading fast. The lesions are shutting her brain down, and as I type this I am not sure that she will be with-it sufficiently to know I am there when I go see her when we return tomorrow. She was sounding a bit better when I spoke to her a couple of days ago (Monday, I think) but not perfect. I spoke to her sister today, Barbara is mostly unconscious now and declining slowly. I many ways she is better off not knowing what is happening, she suffers no pain. I got in to see her on Friday, it's hard to know if she knew what was happening but she did react appropriately to a couple of things I said. She died at four am Saturday morning. She has overcome so much in her life. She suffered an illness that she was not expected to survive at 12. People told her she was wasting her time going to university because she wouldn't be able to see it through. She lasted nearly forty years longer that anyone thought she could. She was very stubborn, and fought to the very end.

A bit of philosophy from a person feeling a bit sad: You are better off having friends that are younger than you, then you lose them a lot less and you know there will be plenty of people at your own funeral. Being the last one is no fun, I am sure. Maybe that's why you have kids.

Saturday was also the day of Tania's wedding, and as much as I don't enjoy weddings this one was okay. There were some people there that I have not seen for ten years (including Tania's parents and siblings) and a number I have known a long time. Rory struggled to find some entertainment but finally started talking to James (a year older but considerably shorter). Most of the kids ended up in the pool for a couple of hours trying to brain each other with a ball. They both came home very tired, but happy. Tania's daughter turned 5 the same day and Tania turned 40 a week earlier so it was a multiple celebration.

We all thought this would be a year when Gavin wouldn't break any bones, in particular the thumb of his right hand which has been punished enough already. However, 80kg of steel disagreed on Friday so he broke the end bone of his right thumb. Having not broken any bones for 37 years, he chose his 38th year to really pick on one thumb. Not sure why he has taken such a dislike to it, but I think it has suffered enough.

Paul, Roger, Shin, Ben, and everyone else went home yesterday.

Charles, talk to me before you go home or at least email me when you return. I was talking to Warwick Cutfield at the wedding.

Well, that will have to do. I am sure I have missed a few things but I don't think you'll be too concerned.

I know it's not Monday, but I won't be near the internet on Monday - 01/01/05

Again, hello from the future (ghost music) to all those the opposite side of the planet. We are holidaying in exotic Pukehina until Friday, pretty sure we won't have internet access.

LOCAL NEWS

We have been starved of local news, it all centred around the NZ angle on the Tsunami thing (likewise in other countries). Things like the holiday road toll and the road toll for the year seemed pretty petty in comparison.

The usual New Years honours thing happened. I know a guy made either an officer or a member of the order of New Zealand.

Paul Holmes flipped his biplane, but escaped before the fuel could catch fire. He hurt his knee and broke a fingernail (not joking, he really did break a fingernail). He's had a few prangs in light aircraft.

Helen Clark came home from her holiday early. Is there no end to the damage the Tsunami can cause?

WORLDS NEWS

I don't want to sound insensitive but I have some problems with the extent of the reporting about the Tsunami. Firstly, it was the entire front page of the paper for five or six days (and a good three or four pages at the front). Second, why do tin-pot countries like New Zealand need to send their own news crews to the place. Surely the accomodation, food, and other resources they will take could be better used by aid workers or the victims? One talking head needs probably three others in support (sound, camera, producer). TVNZ had two crews up there, TV3 may have sent some too. Adding to that, the Sri Lankan cricket team eventually decided to go home because of it. Again, aren't they better off keeping away and not using resources there? Also, it might be nice for survivors to have some cricket to watch.

When I mentioned the Tsunami in Indonesia, I had forgotten that Brett was in Bali, although I don't think he was in any danger.

SPORT

The Poms just missed out winning their 9th straight test, bad light robbed them of 15 overs on the 5th day when the South Africans only had two wickets left.

The Aussies beat the Pakis again (no surprise) to win five test series in one calendar year.

Man Utd won 1-0 midweek against Villa, all the leaders won, I think (exept Everton). The Arse beat Newcastle 1-0.

MY SAD LIFE

Hannah got Singstar for Christmas (a karaoke thing for PS2) and Sunday night was a scary night of off-tune song. Hannah was kicking butt on "Video Killed the Radio Star" then she made me do the female bit and I got the high score (it wasn't pretty, trust me).

Been swimming a fair bit in the last week. Can't do that while we are away (not in a pool, anyway). When bribed, both kids did good times in the pool. Hannah shaved about 1.5 seconds off her best to do a length in 23.87 seconds. Rory couldn't crack 17 seconds, which isn't very good for him, but I got him to race against another water polo player who we see practicing in the pool and he did 15.42 seconds (his target is 15).

Haven’t really achieved very much this week, spent a couple of days geeking with the lads, and did a bit of work. Veged out one day and watched a couple of movies when I had a sore knee and the weather was rubbish.

My friend Barbara was recovering nicely but things turned to crap on Christmas Day. She appeared to have had a stroke but they think it is something different with similar impact. They didn't say growths in her brain but possibly lesions or blockages. She's suffering from some classic signs of a stroke, droopy mouth, weakness in right hand, couldn't see out of right eye, but she can't figure out how to answer her cellphone which makes communication difficult.

Rory got bad news from school, his form teacher is leaving and he isn't very keen on his new form teacher.

Penny has her birthday on Monday, the ripe old age of 37. Tania gets married next Saturday (I hate weddings).

I have made no progress on resolutions. Maybe they will come later.

I hope 2005 is a good year for you all.