Watch out for handbags in bars, the tall poppies have a go at each other - 29/05/06

LOCAL NEWS

Donna Awatere-Huata, the woman who ripped off her fellow maori but has been forgiven by many of them, is now going to tell her story from home detention. Why would anyone want to hear it? If she gets paid for her story I think my brain will implode.

The local employers were concerned about Australia deciding to come over here looking for new public servants. They are hiring 7,000 more people. That is a worry, why would they suddenly need that many more?

New Zealand-born NRL player Tevita Latu made headlines punching a young woman in the face at a gas station and breaking her nose. The NRL have already deregistered him and he may not be able to play league ever again, he is 24. He had been drinking. All sorts of debate has raged (with stories about the league player who deliberately tried to induce a miscarriage on his pregnant girlfriend and manslaughtering boxer Soulan Ponceby).

Another similar incident reported last night, Tana Umaga slapped Chris Masoe in a bar with a borrowed woman's handbag after Masoe allegedly punched another patron. This seemed to have happened somewhere near the end of an all-night commiseration session after the Hurricanes lost the Super 14 final. Tana swears it wasn't his handbag.

Much debate continued about Mark Ingles not helping some dying climber on Everest. Edmund Hillary had his say. I think it is nobody else's business, we weren't there. Comparisons to rescues at sea are irrelevant as giving assistance on Everest can kill the rescuer easily. I feel a bit sorry for Ingles, coming home and being harassed about not rescuing someone when he had achieved something and was suffering from frostbite and is likely to lose the ends of a couple of fingers and possibly bits off the ends of his leg stumps (he lost both legs above the knee to frostbite about 20 years ago after being trapped on a mountain, Ruapehu I think.

WORLD NEWS

There is trouble in East Timor, we are sending troops.

Haven't heard a thing about the Chinese miners.

An earthquake on Java island, near Yogyakarta (which I have never heard of until now), has killed heaps, latest number is 4600, it was about 100 the first time I heard about it and continues to grow. I think that is called fatality inflation.

REAL SPORT

Hannah had no water polo this week. Her soccer team was playing the top of the table team. They were down 0-1 just before half time and at full time it was 0-2, however after double secret extra time it was 0-4 (I was not impressed with the timekeeping by their ref, it was rubbish). Hannah's team has had no subs for last two games with three players off. We have been using a ring-in who struggles a bit. It was Hannah's first game at striker with Lily-Rose and they actually did very well in the first half despite not scoring. They kept play in the opposition half a lot. She went in to goal in second half, and was hammered but made a number of good saves, she was pretty pissed off about letting three in, but she made no mistakes (almost let one dribble over line but stopped it).

Rory refereed the first half of Hannah's game. He handles it pretty well, apart from wanting to be paid.

Rory's junior school team played on Sunday night, they were 3-3 at the end of the 3rd quarter but lost 3-5 in the end. I was the time clock (I couldn't beep very well). Rory scored all three goals for his team. They blew tons of chances, people were greedy.

Rory is training for water polo three times a week at the moment, two are for the Pan Pac tournament.

SPORT

Crusaders predictably beat the Hurricanes in a very foggy Super 14 final 17-12. The spectators could not see the game.

England won the test against Sri Lanka.

The Indy 500 was this morning, Nzer Scott Dixon led now and again but got black-flagged (which does not mean he got sprayed with fly spray) for blocking. He came sixth.

The French Tennis Open has started.

The All Whites lost 0-2 to Hungary this week, then recorded their first ever win in Europe by beating Georgia 3-1. Holland beat Cameroon 1-0 in Rotterdam, German beat Luxemborg 7-0, World Cup preps are continuing.

The Warriors now need to win 10 of the remaining 12 games to make playoffs. For them, the season is over already.

MY SAD LIFE

I haven't had time to have a life this week. I suspect this is the sort of week that people like Penny, Ross, and Kathryn regularly experience. I think you are all bonkers. I had days where my time was committed to a tight schedule starting from between 6am to 8am and ending around 8:30pm. It's not any fun. Nothing went wrong, everything went as planned, it still sucked.

Diana also had a week of fuller days (whole day instead of half day working), which makes it tricky fitting other things in. That day I went to Wellington she had to drop Rory off to swimming early so she could get back in time for Hannah.

Found out last night that my friend Matt and Kristy are now engaged, they did the deed in Italy. The circumstances were pretty geeky, best not discussed here. Even Rory thinks it is way too geeky.

Saw Bob Batenberg this week, bumped into him when I was waiting for Hannah at St Lukes. He said he has seen the Goodins.

The Bambis visited us on Sunday afternoon, as did Gavin and Allan briefly.

I presume Jack and Claudi made it home to Stuttgart in one piece.

Hannah seems to be growing at the moment. She has a "social" on Thursday night at school, I can't wait.

Forgot to mention the customer service failure of Wendy's Old Fashioned Burgers Friday week ago. Hannah and I stopped to grab something at the drive through, which took ages as heaps of people had the same idea. They forgot to include the fries and one of the burgers, or a spoon for the frosty (a sundae-like thing). To make matters worse, the receipt not only showed we had ordered what we thought we had ordered, but they overcharged us 50c as well. I was very unimpressed. Paul said it happens to him reasonably frequently. Koos once said something about how they manage to take the only good thing out of fast food (as in doing it slowly), but Wendy's seem to be trying to take the food out of the equation as well.

Paul moves in to his house this coming Saturday. Rory will be helping. He is planning to visit his parents once a week for dinner and tie it in with a trip to the pool with us, but he keeps forgetting to tell his Mum.

INTERESTING FACTS FROM THE WORLD OF 1886

I continue to read through these encyclopaedias. We looked at a map of York with Nanny the other day, where she was born and we found where she lived (a place called Dringhouses, very close to York itself, probably a suburb of it now). I was also reading about San Francisco, before the big earthquake of 1906 of course. There were no bridges across the bay, and Montgomery Street stopped about three blocks short of Market St. The wharves only numbered around 20 or so.

RANDOM ACTS OF POSTAGE

It seems Heidi is the only one that read this bit a few weeks ago. Despite this, I have attempted to commit a couple of other random acts of postage, one of which is being ably assisted by someone who will remain nameless (I nearly typed rename maneless, silly really). Be warned that you may receive a semi-anonymous package in the post. At the very least I expect you to let me know if you receive something dubious in the mail.

Who needs a life when you have children? - 22/05/06

I am not going to do justice to this week. Events of today have overtaken me and I have prepared insufficiently beforehand. For that I offer a full refund of the charge for this week.

LOCAL NEWS

Mark Inglis, the guy with two artificial legs, made the summit of Everest about Wednesday. Quite an achievement.

Well the dull old budget dominated news for a couple of days.

Rakon, the company Koos used to work for before he went to England and Africa, listed on the stock exchange and made people who managed to get shares about 47% on the first day. I tried to get some, I really did.

Christchurch doesn't seem to be a very nice place to live. A female jogger was stabbed in park, and they've had about three bus drivers beaten up by teenage girls. Not sure what is going on there.

The leak of the unbundling news to Telecom continued to be news, the leaker was named. The guy who was given the information was accused of taking a leak in public.

Someone in Kaeo won $18m on lotto. It is a small place in the middle of nowhere up north.

Some teenagers crashed in Pukekohe, and the police reckon they had broken off pursuit before they crashed (like 0.01 seconds before).

Continuing outages from New Zealand's largest ISP, Xtra, have resulted in a $4 credit being offered to acute sufferers.

WORLD NEWS

The two miners that survived in Tasmania are getting about $2.5 million for their story. The wife of the guy that died is getting about $200k in compensation. I guess this is a case of good news being rewarded.

44 miners are trapped underground in China but nobody really cares. They aren't Australian.

REAL SPORT

Well, there was plenty of real sport this weekend. Hannah had her first water polo game for intermediate. Her team was playing St Mary's, and although St Mary's scored first, it was one way traffic for a while, final score was about 8-2 to Ponsonby. Hannah was very happy. She didn't score but she played very well and was the last one to be subbed.

Rory had his first game back for school, semi-final against a team they lost 0-7 to the week before. Was 1-1 at the end of the third quarter but Avondale won 3-1. Rory seemed pretty disappointed.

On Saturday, Hannah worked very hard in their soccer match, she thought she was going in goal for the second half, so she held nothing back. Then she didn't go in to goal, and she was knackered. Final score was 0-0 draw but very high energy game.

Rory had two water polo trials on Saturday, he spent most of the day at the pool. He is in the A team for the Pan Pac tournament, which is not really a surprise.

Sunday, parts four and five of the weekends sport. Hannah had a soccer tournament. They drew their first game, and then won their next two and qualified top of their group. They then lost the semi-final 0-1. Was a pretty good day, they did very well. There are about six players from Hannah's regular team that played, they will be able to play in the same tournament next year, and the year after.

The final chapter of sport was the playoff for third and fourth for Rory's school team. After the close game on Friday night, we thought they had a chance, but it didn't pan out that way. Rory scored a nice goal to equalise at 1-1 but that was as good as it got. The other team, Auckland Grammar slowly edged away. Final score was 3-9.

I can't be at Hannah's interschool soccer this Wednesday as I have to go to Wellington for the day. I am quite disappointed about that. I hardly ever go there.

SPORT

The Hurricanes narrowly beat the Waratahs 16-14. The Crusaders convincingly beat the Bulls 35-15. The Crusaders are home to the Hurricanes in the final.

Barcelona beat the Arse in Paris for the Champs League final 2-1. The Arsenal goalie was sent off for a dodgy tackle early, in a controversial bit of refereeing when he blew the whistle too soon and failed to play advantage.

Local soccer team Auckland City has won it's way into the Club finals in Japan in December. We seem to get there regularly but get towelled when we get there.

Barry Bonds equalled Babe Ruth's record, but pitchers were walking him for days, not wanting to be the guy that let him get it.

MY SAD LIFE

Diana gave me the night off swimming on Thursday. Had been to the pool the previous four days in a row, had already done my weekly allocation of lengths by Wednesday (more than normal in fact). Rory signed up to the swim club on Monday and Thursday was club night where they time themselves etc. Rory enjoyed himself and it was first time Diana has seen him swimming for quite a while. I had Hannah in my ear pretty much the whole time they were out.

We saw Jack and Claudia (Jack is Diana's cousin, brother of Alex who drowned in February) on Saturday night. It was a good night. Jack had some stuff from their grandfather's brother who died in World War I, including his diary, medals, lots of telegrams and things. Allan and Jacqui also came over for dinner. Allan stayed with them in Stuttgart about four years ago.

The waste disposal got choked up on Saturday night, think it was solidified fat from the big roast we had. I didn't have time to really attack it on Sunday morning as I had to be at the soccer tournament by 8:15am. Got a text from Diana that I never thought I would see. Went something like this: "We don't need a plumber I have fixed it myself".

We discovered a non-electronic device to warn us when the laundry sink is about to overflow. It requires a washing basket, a bucket, and one sock. The sock blocks the sink. The bucket sits in the sink and begins to float. The laundry basket full of pegs falls off the sink and onto the floor making a hell of a noise, just in time to prevent disaster.

Rory started going to a swim school this week. His fitness is improving but I think is still lacking something compared to before the injury.

There would be more, but I am up to my ears.

Moving on from mining miracle to trawler tragedy - 15/05/06

This email has been delayed because Xtra (my ISP) had a considerable problem with their email. Any email sent to me in about last 24 hours never made it.

The weather has been very wet. We've had hail a couple of times, too.

LOCAL NEWS

The big news this week is the "trawler tragedy" in Foveaux Strait (the water between the bottom of the South Island and Stewart Island). So far, three are missing, three have been found alive, and three have been found dead. Don't give much for the chances of the missing ones.

A distressed man absconded with a woman North West of Auckland, the main highway was blocked while armed offenders negotiated. In the end, the used a "distraction device" (a firework, much like a jumping jack) and stormed the car, apprehending both offender and victim without injury to anyone.

It was the week of getting off. A hunter who shot his buddy in the back of the head was found not guilty of manslaughter (although I just can't see how) and an Auckland bouncer was found not guilty of murder (he kicked a patron to death who was misbehaving outside a nightclub. I have to say these results both confound and confuse me.

Then, there was a guy who raped and abducted a woman got ten years with no parole. He pleaded guilty.

Funny but sad story was about a man having a haemorrhoid operation, who released some gas on an unplanned basis and it resulted in a fireball which burned rather delicate regions and blinded the surgeon temporarily. Got to admit that was funny.

Weta Workshop were in the news after successfully fitting an artificial leg on a kiwi. The leg looked pretty cool.

WORLD NEWS

The miners got out, finally, on Tuesday about 6:30am our time. We all breathed a deep sigh of relief, blissfully unaware that the media circus was about to get worse, not better. We have since found out some of the details we didn't have a week ago.

Two people were killed and four injured by a model aeroplane crash in Hungary. That has to be some sort of a record. The plane had a 2m wingspan.

REAL SPORT

No soccer due to bad weather, fields are really wet. Hannah had practice on Sunday for the tournament team though.

Thankfully, her water polo practice has moved to 7pm, we were never going to make 6pm.

Rory has decided to see what is involved in a swim squad. Kind of sad in a way because I guess it means I won't be swimming with him much any more. He gets evaluated this afternoon after his school training.

This coming weekend is going to be very busy, Rory has two water polo trials on Saturday and Hannah has a regular game and a tournament all day Sunday.

SPORT

The Crusaders crushed the Brumbies 33-3 in their last round robin game and are top qualifiers, this snuffed out the Brumbies won't make the semis as a result. The Hurricanes beat the Waratahs 19-14 in Australia, pushing the Waratahs to third and now have to play the Hurricanes at their home ground in Wellington next weekend. The Blues lost at home to the Chiefs. The Blues lost to every other New Zealand side in the competition (while the Crusaders beat every other New Zealand team).

Liverpool completed another last minute recover in the FA Cup final to beat West Ham (I think it was West Ham) in a penalty shootout after equalising at 3-3 in extra time. The goalie saved three of four shots in a penalty shootout. So much for the goalless draw….

Kayaker Ben Fouhy has set a world record in the K1 1000, not sure where or why.

England is thumping the 'Lankans in England in a test.

Golfer Michael Campbell was doing pretty well in British Masters (not a major, but a reasonable one), at end of third round he was second, but finished fourth I think.

MY SAD LIFE

It was Ben Grant's 2nd birthday on the 11th. That means Paul has had two years experience as an Uncle. Welcome back to Roger who has escaped these dreadful emails for a while after his email server decided it didn't like me. He has been in Japan.

I rang Tony Clare about the encyclopaedias, and he said they had gone to the dump. Terrible shame. Then a couple of days later he rang back and said that Ross & Kath have got them. Guess I have to go visit them.

Friday afternoon, Rory went to the hand clinic. He needs to do more exercises but it is certainly improving. He should be okay for trials this coming weekend. He is very not-focused and we have to continually remind him to do the exercises. Diana says the clinicians continually wonder why this hairy lug of a youth needs his Mum with him at the Doctors and then they find out he is a third former and decide maybe that is okay.

My Mum is now officially a pensioner, turning 65 yesterday. She seems to be coping okay with it. I gallantly fought all urges to purchase jellimeat, ear trumpets, and walking sticks. I decided to track down a coin that was minted in 1941 (the year of her birth) for the occasion, it was considerably harder than I thought it would be. Diana and I trekked around eight stores, and finally struck gold (well, copper, actually). Once I had the thing, it needed a good polish (Diana didn't believe that I could find the brasso that fast, let alone that we actually had some). I then realised it needed to be mounted somehow, so Rory and I experimented and finally settled on a perspex thing. We couldn't bend it (tried boiling water but not hot enough) so we found a piece that was already bent. The finished product was made using tools that I inherited from both my grandfathers (one being Mum's father, of course, a brace and bit that I suspect is considerably older than me, which we used to make the hole to sit the coin in. I used Pop's bench grinder to help tidy it up after I cut the piece out with a manual jigsaw, as an electric one would have shattered it). It is the first time I have made someone a gift for a long time.

Me and the kids made Mother's Day lunch yesterday. Again, round flat food was in evidence (as were quite a few jars) as we made crepes stuffed with gay food (eggplant, sundried tomatoes, mushrooms, artichoke, and a bit of ham). We had already been to soccer training and been swimming by lunchtime, so I was knackered afterwards (I have become the goalie coach, so training was pretty busy). It went well. I even used the flamethrower that Judy gave me for my birthday to melt the cheese and scorch the crepes. It was the first time it has been used constructively.

Brett, on our tour of antique shops I found a store full of semi-cool 70's style furniture on Manukau Road near Market Road, you should check it out, I think you may find it interesting (not a huge amount there but nevertheless, if you are passing, it is at the end farthest from the lights on the side opposite from the Chinese takeaway and model store).

Jack and Claudi arrive from Germany today. They are heading for Dargaville but we hope to see them next weekend.

No painting this weekend, weather prevented it.

On our travels on Saturday morning, we dragged Rory in to the barber. He handed Rory a card, Rory was confused. He looked at it and it was a business card for another hairdresser. That was pretty funny. Rory's hair has not been cut for a very long time, and desperately needed a tidy. As Rory left, the barber said "See you in six months, Rory". It is certainly considerably better. Even Rory had shown surprise at how bad it was when he saw a photo of himself from behind.

MORE ON MILK (believe it or not)

Ross thinks I should freeze the correct amount in the cup and keep that in the freezer. Not sure whether he was joking or not. Gavin reckons milk goes funny when frozen. He may be right.

ANYWAY, now we are trying to source cheaper milk because we spend around $50 a week on the stuff. We are trying plastic bags of it from the Mad Butcher, which will save us about $1.20 per two litres, which equates to around $18 per week. Doesn't sound like much but it also means less rubbish with the plastic bottles which makes life a bit easier.

Oh well, that'll do for now. The email is back up.

Telecom drops it's bundle and we know far more about two Tasmanians than we really need to - 08/05/06

LOCAL NEWS

A Dunedin man fell into a cement silo, but was rescued successfully. He was breathing through a tube for 40 minutes. I would hate to think what his bogies were like.

A 24 hour children's hotel has opened in Auckland, subject to much controversy. Basically, it is a round the clock crèche, with a one week time limit. Not sure of the cost of it.

The unbundling of the local loop was huge news on Wednesday. A move from the Government, planned to be announced in the budget, was leaked the day it was signed off. Telecom's share price plunged.

Police here have been filmed spraying pepper spray at a customer that was already handcuffed. Doesn't look good at all.

An earthquake near Tonga caused some tsunami concern on the east cost of New Zealand at about 2am during the week. The local civil defence decided it wasn't a problem but the BBC continued to report that we were about to get very wet. So as people were being phoned by concerned relatives overseas and heading for the hills, we saw film of a guy happily pumping gas for everyone as they left (with no concern for himself, you wonder if he didn't deserve a bravery award). Finally, about 7am, civil defence released a media statement to inform everyone that they weren't in danger.

There was some controversy about netball hero Irene Van Dyk wanting quite a high payment to play for her local team, but it seems like the agent was getting ideas. Seems to be all over now.

A somewhat inebriated woman was apprehended driving North on the Southern motorway, having had all four tyres go flat (how would all FOUR go flat at once?) and burned off the rubber and wore out the rims of the wheels.

WORLD NEWS

The miners trapped in Tasmania. Where do I start? We’ve had regular, tedious updates in every news bulletin and paper the whole week. We have been repeatedly told how big the hole is that they are fed through, what they have had to eat, we've been given a feel for the type of music that was loaded into the iPods that were sent in. Despite there being a "tiny" 10cm tube, they get only energy bars, even though you could slip a big mac down that easily. But none of the detail we really want to know, like:

- who was the first one of the pair to succumb and go number twos? Where did they do it?
- or did they both go involuntarily when the cave-in initially occurred?
- they are supposed to be trapped in a small box, where did the other guy look?
- what did they wipe with?
- how bad does it smell in there?
- have they sent kitty litter or adult continence products in to help the situation?
- and two clothes pegs?
- and perhaps some air freshener?
- dentists are concerned that there has been no mention of their dental hygiene, why haven't they been sent toothbrushes and floss?

- have they run an extension cord in to supply power for the iPods?
- are they getting on okay with each other?
- what on earth do they talk about?

We heard from some guy in Huntly who was trapped for 20 hours in a mine, as he knew exactly what the miners were going through. I am surprised we didn't hear from some guy who was stuck in a wardrobe organiser for ten minutes.

Even this morning, they are still working on digging them out. An Australian journalist collapsed and died outside the mine, shame there was only journalists and nobody useful there like a doctor.

I think the most distasteful aspect of the miners fuss is that the media are now squabbling over who will get the exclusive story. They just don’t get it. I think the vast majority of people don't give a toss.

Keith Richards is still being cared for. He has had brain surgery.

REAL SPORT

Hannah's soccer team got their first real points of the season with a 1-1 draw. The goal from the other team was utterly ridiculous, a free kick was given when the ball hit the armpit of a player (and if the ball hits the shirt it isn't supposed to be a hand ball) and he gave a direct free kick when it should only have been an indirect (meaning another player had to touch the ball before it goes in the goal). He kind of made up for it by giving us a penalty for a hand ball at the other end, even though it was another dubious call. The goalie saved it. At least they equalised a bit later on. Hannah was very solid, except when she ducked out of the way of the free kick.

Hannah had a training session with a tournament team she is playing in (soccer, that is). She is young for it, the tournament is under 14, but it will be great experience.

Hannah is also trialling for the school soccer team, so she is getting a lot of soccer at the moment.

SPORT

The Crusaders had a much needed win over the Bulls 35-17, the Blues lost 33-34 to the lowly placed Cats, Highlanders impressed with a win over the Brumbies 28-26, the Chiefs surprised everyone by beating the Waratahs 37-33. Hurricanes beat the Reds 26-22. One round left before semi-finals.

The Kangaroos thumped the Kiwis in the Anzac test that was held nowhere near Anzac Day 50-12.

Wayne Rooney's inability to form articulate sentences has become widely known as a result of the injury to his foot.

The third cricket test was all over pretty fast. Each innings successively resulted in more runs, but New Zealand batted first so it wasn't great. The South Africans needed 217 to win and they got there with four wickets spare.

Didn't mention the All Whites playing in Chile. They lost first game 1-4, second game 0-1. They play Brazil in Switzerland soon.

The last week of the premiership this week, Arsenal had a win 4-2 over Wigan, Man Utd 4-0 over Charlton, Newcastle beat Chelsea 1-0, Liverpool beat Portsmouth 1-0, Sunderland lost again, to Villa 0-2. The season has finished with the top four, in order, being Chelsea, Man Utd, Liverpool, and Arsenal. Poor old Sunderland head South at cold motherless bottom with half the points of second to last. They go down to Division 1 next season. Now we wait for the World Cup to start.

MY SAD LIFE

Rory got his arm back on Wednesday. It was kind of strange. His wrist is quite weak, because it hasn't done anything for a month. The bone that was broken seems to be fine. He is having to work it to try and improve function, can't play water polo yet. Regardless of the broken bone, he just can't throw the ball. He has trials starting on 20th of May, which should give him enough time to recover.

We had another crack at the house, with the help of Paul and Gavin and Mum. Basically finished the bulk of it with undercoat going on some other bits. Still some to do but getting there. Also did more gardening and tidied a few things up. At least we didn't do it after swimming this time.

Gavin had a lasagne construction lesson from Diana on Saturday night. That was kind of odd. Didn't watch too closely, was way too knackered.

I have had an interesting time dealing with Dell over some PCs for a client. One simple mistake, a misleading order, and a company that is utterly hopeless to deal with. I am not impressed. I won't be ever buying Dell again. The whole process has been bizarre. They make their living by doing the same thing over and over again. Shame PCs are more complex than that.

Rory's weekend texting was noticeably low-key this weekend, which was really good. It gets to be way too much at times. He also discovered this week how he accidentally rings people on his mobile if his earphone is plugged in (just touch the button on the microphone twice and it calls the last called number) and it basically leaves a meaningless message until the credit runs out. Expensive lesson.

Been trying to encourage Hannah to read more. She hasn't been a real fan of reading, and she needs to in the interests of just building her vocab if nothing else. She was sitting in the sun yesterday chuckling as she read a book, was very good to see.

Rory's hair deserves a mention. He saw a photo of the back of his head the other day and realised what everyone else knew - there is too bloody much of it. He doesn't brush it. It has got to the point now where he is 178cm dry, and 172cm dripping wet.

I have been thinking all week about a set of encyclopaedias that Tony Clare has in his possession dated around 1906. I would love to see what it had to say about a world before communism, the free market, any Wall Street crashes and depressions, the World Wars, aeroplanes, telephone, and so forth. I really must go visit him before they get packed away.

SOMETIMES YOU REALLY HAVE TO WONDER ABOUT A PERSON'S SANITY

If it is not already apparent from these emails that I often think too much about some things, the next bit must surely confirm it. I decided that I had a problem when trying to have multiple cups of coffee during an audio conference. The problem is that I can take the plunger and cup into my office but milk is a problem. So I froze milk in six cubes in an ice cube tray (which Diana thought was lemon juice and then diluted by pouring water in the rest, the inventor's road is a rocky one). I chose six because I was not sure how much liquid was held in one cube, and six meant I could experiment with 1, 2, and 3 cubes (no, I didn't test the capacity of the cubes, which would have been easier).

See, I like milk in my coffee, a lot by most standards, it makes it cooler and I can drink it sooner. Coffee without milk is simply not an option. The benefit of the ice cubes is that I could use less milk because the lower temperature of the milk would make the coffee cooler with less milk (we are talking 0 degrees compared to 4 degrees, not sure if that actually makes a difference with water that is probably 60 degrees). The concept of what impact a cold substance has on a hot one could be interesting, in itself (but probably not to you, so I won't go there).

Well, on Friday I finally tried putting them in a cup of coffee. I quickly realised that one, two, and even three cubes wasn't really enough. The coffee with three cubes was awful, not enough milk. Next step was trying the remaining three, in a smaller cup, to improve the milk to coffee ratio. That was awful too.

I think it is time to admit defeat.

Stones fall from the sky and tigers go in circles - 01/05/06

The wider world seemed far more interesting that dull old New Zealand this week.

LOCAL NEWS

ANZAC Day Commemorations were heavily publicised. A 62 year old veteran of Malaya collapsed and died while in formation at the Auckland War Memorial Museum. It was oddly fitting for a man who seemed very proud of his service in the army.

A New Zealander in Thailand was shot and killed. He was a body builder, they have arrested a former girlfriend or pseudo-wife. Something about steroid exports. Another drug deal gone bad….

Heavy rain resulted in flooding in Oamaru down in the South Island. Otago also got hit. It was pretty wet. No news of low lake levels for power stations yet. There was also flooding in the Bay of Plenty and the Coromandel.

The attorney general who resigned recently, David Parker, has been cleared of wrongdoing. Although the infraction was minor, and almost a technicality, it now appears to have not been an infraction. He is now back in cabinet. I wonder if the Labour Party tactically chose him to fall on his sword quickly, in the knowledge that he would quickly be cleared, to give the public the impression they could do the right thing once in a while.

Tiger Woods drove in small circles on Monday night (I think it is called "stock car racing"), his team came second. Umaga's came first. Wasn't until nearly a week later I found out there were only two teams.

Huge news on Sunday was Keith Richard being airlifted to New Zealand after falling out of a coconut tree. Not sure why. It's nearly as bad as the continuing coverage about Tom Cruise. We hate him, he's an idiot, he can't act, now he is suddenly fertile we still don't care. The Doctor in Fiji who spilled the beans is probably going to be sacked for breaching Doctor-Famous Patient confidentiality.

I don't know why this sounds weird, but a dead man was found in a cemetery, Waikumete, over the weekend. They do, after all, say that people are dying to get in.

Also late news this morning from the Funeral Directors Association in an uproar about the pre-deceased trying to "cut out the middle man" and dying in the cemetery.

WORLD NEWS

Bombs in Egypt had some New Zealanders scared, so they were in the news and a soldier serving in Sinai was injured in another bomb.

The new PM of the Solomons has resigned, and things seem to have settled down.

The Australians were symbolically returning the first casualty from Iraq for Anzac Day, and it turned out to be a Bosnian instead. The wife and Mum both gave a number of people the message (including the PM, although I really don't know why), despite the fact that it was the mistake of a funeral director in Iraq. The cause of the actual Private Kovko's death seems in doubt. He shot himself in the head while cleaning a gun that didn't appear to be being cleaned.

The American media have been wetting themselves about Tiger Woods doing stock car racing and bungee jumping. Apparently he should be wrapped in cotton wool (seems to have been elevated to national treasure status). Five things Tiger does that are more risky:

- live in US (what with muggings, hand guns, and all those really bad TV shows)
- visit the southern states (he is a black, after all, and uppity niggers risk a lynching)
- eat at Mcdonalds (obvious, really)
- fly in a private jet or helicopter (remember that other golfer Payne Stewart? And what about Buddy Holly?)
- play golf (you know how many die playing golf a year? Lightning strikes alone are dangerous)

If GW can take the piss of himself with an impersonator, why can he not learn to pronounce "newkuler" properly (as in "nuclear").

REAL SPORT

The opposition did not show up for Hannah's soccer match. Instead, they played a 14th grade team from our club who also didn't have anyone to play. They had a 1-1 draw. She could be playing in a tournament for Under 14 girls in three weeks.

There is a chance Rory could be playing water polo this Friday.

SPORT

New Zealand Soccer has changed the name of the game to football this week. That's big news, about time really. Soccer is a silly name. Only the Americans need to use because of their odd football.

The second test in South Africa started promisingly, with New Zealand batting and doing okay. Fleming got a century, which he sort of needed after a couple of very low scores in the first test. The next day he carried on and got about 262, and Franklin, a bowler, got a century too. New Zealand declared in the 500s. It looked to be heading for a draw with SA barely in their first innings at the close of the third day. End of fourth day the South Africans are closing but there is no way they will get through two more innings in one day. The only team that could lose from here is New Zealand, but I don't think it is possible.

Crusaders lost, Waratahs won. Blues won. Hurricanes won.

MY SAD LIFE

Monday afternoon, while Diana was working, I went out with the kids, Paul, and the cameras. We went to the park around the Chelsea Sugar Refinery, found some interesting toadstools. Then we went to Mt Victoria, in Devonport. Never actually been up Mt Vic, quite a different view from North Head (about a kilometre away at the most). We had a really fun time, it was really windy, and we could see the rain coming but we avoided it. The kids slid down the hill on pieces of cardboard, which was reminiscent of a trip Paul made back to New Zealand about six years ago.

Well, Hannah was back to school on Wednesday while her brother languished around the house all day in his underpants (sorry, not pretty, I know, but the truth will out).

After months of developing fruitless relationships with Real Estate Agents, Paul's quest for a place to live seems to be over. After exhaustive looking and nearly offering and nearly buying, he has decided upon a house on the edge of Castor Bay on the Shore, which is currently owned by Tony and Marion Clare (Kath's parents). In one of the funny little coincidences, Tony has already met Symon, Roger, Shin, and Dave when we were adding on the back of our house. Paul met Tony and Marion recently when we went to Coopers Beach up north just before Waitangi Day. They went unconditional on Friday.

I filled Diana's car with petrol for the first time this weekend, we have had the car about a year. I noticed that it has been given the wrong fuel the whole time. It's a bit like putting the batteries in the wrong way around in an electrical device, I suppose…..

Mum got back from Australia this week. She says that massive deserts get a little repetitive after a while.

Rory goes to get the big pink cast off on Wednesday.

Worked pretty hard on the house over the weekend, was knackering but we are both pleased with progress.

Jack and Claudi will be here some time this month. I am looking forward to meeting them.

TEENAGERS

After observing behaviour in general, and in particular this week, Diana has reached a conclusion. Teenagers are useless, incapable of organising anything (including a piss up in a brewery) and at least the thugs that walk the streets manage to get out and get some fresh air. She feels that those that peddle drugs are clearly potential business leaders, because managing a supplier, customers, cashflow, and avoiding detection is quite an achievement when your peers can't quite manage to put on trousers. Even sniffing glue requires them to obtain money, fake their age, possibly fake an ID, and purchase of the product. We are beginning to wonder if Darwinian evolution is at work and the really clever ones are actually being killed off by their own capability.

Aaah well, nothing more for another week.