1 May 2006

Stones fall from the sky and tigers go in circles - 01/05/06

The wider world seemed far more interesting that dull old New Zealand this week.

LOCAL NEWS

ANZAC Day Commemorations were heavily publicised. A 62 year old veteran of Malaya collapsed and died while in formation at the Auckland War Memorial Museum. It was oddly fitting for a man who seemed very proud of his service in the army.

A New Zealander in Thailand was shot and killed. He was a body builder, they have arrested a former girlfriend or pseudo-wife. Something about steroid exports. Another drug deal gone bad….

Heavy rain resulted in flooding in Oamaru down in the South Island. Otago also got hit. It was pretty wet. No news of low lake levels for power stations yet. There was also flooding in the Bay of Plenty and the Coromandel.

The attorney general who resigned recently, David Parker, has been cleared of wrongdoing. Although the infraction was minor, and almost a technicality, it now appears to have not been an infraction. He is now back in cabinet. I wonder if the Labour Party tactically chose him to fall on his sword quickly, in the knowledge that he would quickly be cleared, to give the public the impression they could do the right thing once in a while.

Tiger Woods drove in small circles on Monday night (I think it is called "stock car racing"), his team came second. Umaga's came first. Wasn't until nearly a week later I found out there were only two teams.

Huge news on Sunday was Keith Richard being airlifted to New Zealand after falling out of a coconut tree. Not sure why. It's nearly as bad as the continuing coverage about Tom Cruise. We hate him, he's an idiot, he can't act, now he is suddenly fertile we still don't care. The Doctor in Fiji who spilled the beans is probably going to be sacked for breaching Doctor-Famous Patient confidentiality.

I don't know why this sounds weird, but a dead man was found in a cemetery, Waikumete, over the weekend. They do, after all, say that people are dying to get in.

Also late news this morning from the Funeral Directors Association in an uproar about the pre-deceased trying to "cut out the middle man" and dying in the cemetery.

WORLD NEWS

Bombs in Egypt had some New Zealanders scared, so they were in the news and a soldier serving in Sinai was injured in another bomb.

The new PM of the Solomons has resigned, and things seem to have settled down.

The Australians were symbolically returning the first casualty from Iraq for Anzac Day, and it turned out to be a Bosnian instead. The wife and Mum both gave a number of people the message (including the PM, although I really don't know why), despite the fact that it was the mistake of a funeral director in Iraq. The cause of the actual Private Kovko's death seems in doubt. He shot himself in the head while cleaning a gun that didn't appear to be being cleaned.

The American media have been wetting themselves about Tiger Woods doing stock car racing and bungee jumping. Apparently he should be wrapped in cotton wool (seems to have been elevated to national treasure status). Five things Tiger does that are more risky:

- live in US (what with muggings, hand guns, and all those really bad TV shows)
- visit the southern states (he is a black, after all, and uppity niggers risk a lynching)
- eat at Mcdonalds (obvious, really)
- fly in a private jet or helicopter (remember that other golfer Payne Stewart? And what about Buddy Holly?)
- play golf (you know how many die playing golf a year? Lightning strikes alone are dangerous)

If GW can take the piss of himself with an impersonator, why can he not learn to pronounce "newkuler" properly (as in "nuclear").

REAL SPORT

The opposition did not show up for Hannah's soccer match. Instead, they played a 14th grade team from our club who also didn't have anyone to play. They had a 1-1 draw. She could be playing in a tournament for Under 14 girls in three weeks.

There is a chance Rory could be playing water polo this Friday.

SPORT

New Zealand Soccer has changed the name of the game to football this week. That's big news, about time really. Soccer is a silly name. Only the Americans need to use because of their odd football.

The second test in South Africa started promisingly, with New Zealand batting and doing okay. Fleming got a century, which he sort of needed after a couple of very low scores in the first test. The next day he carried on and got about 262, and Franklin, a bowler, got a century too. New Zealand declared in the 500s. It looked to be heading for a draw with SA barely in their first innings at the close of the third day. End of fourth day the South Africans are closing but there is no way they will get through two more innings in one day. The only team that could lose from here is New Zealand, but I don't think it is possible.

Crusaders lost, Waratahs won. Blues won. Hurricanes won.

MY SAD LIFE

Monday afternoon, while Diana was working, I went out with the kids, Paul, and the cameras. We went to the park around the Chelsea Sugar Refinery, found some interesting toadstools. Then we went to Mt Victoria, in Devonport. Never actually been up Mt Vic, quite a different view from North Head (about a kilometre away at the most). We had a really fun time, it was really windy, and we could see the rain coming but we avoided it. The kids slid down the hill on pieces of cardboard, which was reminiscent of a trip Paul made back to New Zealand about six years ago.

Well, Hannah was back to school on Wednesday while her brother languished around the house all day in his underpants (sorry, not pretty, I know, but the truth will out).

After months of developing fruitless relationships with Real Estate Agents, Paul's quest for a place to live seems to be over. After exhaustive looking and nearly offering and nearly buying, he has decided upon a house on the edge of Castor Bay on the Shore, which is currently owned by Tony and Marion Clare (Kath's parents). In one of the funny little coincidences, Tony has already met Symon, Roger, Shin, and Dave when we were adding on the back of our house. Paul met Tony and Marion recently when we went to Coopers Beach up north just before Waitangi Day. They went unconditional on Friday.

I filled Diana's car with petrol for the first time this weekend, we have had the car about a year. I noticed that it has been given the wrong fuel the whole time. It's a bit like putting the batteries in the wrong way around in an electrical device, I suppose…..

Mum got back from Australia this week. She says that massive deserts get a little repetitive after a while.

Rory goes to get the big pink cast off on Wednesday.

Worked pretty hard on the house over the weekend, was knackering but we are both pleased with progress.

Jack and Claudi will be here some time this month. I am looking forward to meeting them.

TEENAGERS

After observing behaviour in general, and in particular this week, Diana has reached a conclusion. Teenagers are useless, incapable of organising anything (including a piss up in a brewery) and at least the thugs that walk the streets manage to get out and get some fresh air. She feels that those that peddle drugs are clearly potential business leaders, because managing a supplier, customers, cashflow, and avoiding detection is quite an achievement when your peers can't quite manage to put on trousers. Even sniffing glue requires them to obtain money, fake their age, possibly fake an ID, and purchase of the product. We are beginning to wonder if Darwinian evolution is at work and the really clever ones are actually being killed off by their own capability.

Aaah well, nothing more for another week.

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